Long Live The Only Goddamn Place Inside Which Helen Can't Haunt Me
Long Live The Only Goddamn Place Inside Which Helen Can’t Haunt Me
aka Time Warp Comics Turns 25 This Month
Sanctuary’s are hard to come by in this new shit economy riddled world. The amount of madness that generally stalks this planet seems to have tripled in the past two or three years since Helen first said goodbye and the Bush administration attempted to auction away our nations testicles for a case of Dick Cheney home brew. Human beings are a hard breed to deal with on a daily basis as it is, take away their jobs and their houses and their 401k plans and things tend to turn extra twisted, quick.
It’s a rough world out there. Emotionally. Physically. Lack-of-Sex Sexually. And also: Financially. In a time in which Walmarts roam the Earth and we witness Independent Businesses slide into extinction at the drop of a fellatiate'd pterodactyl 's petrified hat, it’s important to acknowledge, and when the time comes, as this month it has come, celebrate when one of the Good Guys makes it through.
What I’m trying to say is: Time Warp Comics turns 25 years old this month. For myself, and an uncountable number of others, Time Warp is the truest definition of Sanctuary. No matter how shitty your significant other (or lack thereof) might be treating you, or how miserable your job is or how messed up the entire state of the world, Ryan O’Neal’s eternal douche-bag-ee-ness, or life in general might have been treating you—you can always head towards 3105 28th Street in Boulder, throw yourself through the front doors, and after brushing the dust of the outside world off and saying hello to Wayne (all knowing Guru of all things Comic and super-cool owner), breathe a sigh of relief, say a prayer for your loved ones, head back to the New Release rack, and take your hand off the proverbial saber handle for a minute or two.
You’re in Time Warp now. You’re safe. It’s all right.
Now is not the place to get into such things, but the mighty betrayal of Helen at the sharing of her vagina with that ruthless fuck called Craig almost killed me. I am haunted by the ghosts of her behind-my-back penetrations almost constantly. Except when I’m at Time Warp. For very clear and specific reasons, when I’m inside Wayne’s comic shop her ability to digest me is decreased to a bare minimum hum. Instead of worrying about what Helen may or may not be doing with Craig's dick, I think about Planetary. Instead of obsessing over my shitty love story, I mourn for the Hulk's.
There are many great works being produced weekly in the comic book genre. And if you’re in need of suggestions on where to start, Wayne or any one of his knowledgeable staff members are more than willing to guide you.
If it wasn't for Wayne, I wouldn't have been exposed to the greatness that is Green Lantern (it started with Sinestro Wars and has evolved into Blackest Night), or Fables, or dozens of other amazing things that he’s pointed me towards over the past couple of years.
Check out the events calendar posted above to get a complete picture of all the groovy things that he’s planned this month to celebrate the shop’s 25th anniversary. I’m especially looking forward to movie night and meeting the guy who’s drawing Aliens right now. (if you haven’t read Aliens head immediately to Time Warp and purchase Aliens Omnibus Volumes 1-3, and every issue you can get your hands on of the newly re-launched series. Good stuff).
And while you’re there don’t forget to pick up the latest issues of Justice League: Cry For Justice, Gravel, The Boys, Doctor Sleepless, The Walking Dead, The Authority, Incredible Hulk, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, anything having to do with Ben Templesmith, Green Lantern: Blackest Night tie-ins (you get exclusive free Lantern buttons with specific purchase, collect all 8!) (I did) and everything else.
It’s important that we support the Sanctuaries in this world. Especially the Sanctuaries that support ourselves. Wayne has been a big supporter of Illiterate Magazine over the past couple of years, and a huge supporter of the various visual and/or written arts in general long before that. So go in. Wish everyone Happy Anniversary. And buy a couple of books.
You won’t be disappointed.
Sincerely,
Get in the car, Helen
p.s.
I know who’s responsible for spreading Swine Flu. It was Kevin Bacon. Pass It on
Comments
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GITcHelenSeptember 2, 2009
That is exactly who I’m talking about. The Ryan O’Neal who would whore out his own children for a couple of minutes in the spotlight and spent the final two weeks before Farrah’s death openly weeping with media attention glee on the Today show while offering his estranged daughter booze with the hopes of getting a broom closet handjob at Charlie’s Angel’s sad funeral. He is my nemesis. If I were the X-Men, Ryan O’Neal would be Magnito. If Magnito was a bloated child molester who allowed himself to be anally mangled by Galactus for random walking around asshole cash. If Magnito did that stuff then he'd be just like Ryan O'Neal.
AdamSeptember 1, 2009
Are you speaking about Ryan O'Neal aka Barry Lyndon, aka Paper Moon papa to Tatum aka methanphetimine freak husband of the late great Farrah? Or did I miss that reference?