30 Things That Probably Killed My Next Door Neighbors
I’m Pretty Sure My Neighbors Have Been Butchered To Death Exquisite Corpse
Paranoia is recession proof.
The past several months seem to have been left beaten with its left eye swelled shut in a small salad-bowl-shaped room and churned into something resembling a sex-zombie-filled nightmare complete with total collapse, chaotic redemption, exploding volcanoes, prehistoric sharks that eat airplanes, pant-less underwear dwarves, some bits and pieces I heard today about Sarah Palin’s ex-almost-son-in-law wanting to be an actor-slash-model, wildfires, the death of Ted Kennedy, and fog.
What just happened? It’s all a crystal clear blur. I can remember going to work. Reading a bunch of comics. Watching Inglorious Basterds. Cursing AMC for ruining my 3 a.m. television watching experience by placing an obnoxious 24 hour permanent advertisement for an ALL NEW MADMEN! TOMORROW NIGHT! in the bottom corner of the screen while I was trying to watch Twilight Zone. Or was it Blood Of The Vampire? I forget.
And it doesn't matter. The point is that I can also remember sitting around here in my apartment for several days wondering aloud around the fact that I’m pretty sure that my neighbors have been hideously murdered next door, with their body's still laying on the other side of my wall, in awkward and somewhat surrealistic positions, on the other side of the wall in front of which I’ve placed my recently MadMen-promo-raped TV.
I’m thinking this on account of on any other normal night my neighbors are extremely loud, talk-screaming in many decibels like drag racing frat boys, bragging about how they talked the really drunk girls the night before into banging them and then conned them into buying them chicken wings after, and shit like that. They’re usually screaming some shit or another that annoys me. But for the past week or so it’s been quiet. Which concerns me.
I’m pretty sure they’re just sitting over there, haphazardly slaughtered and coagulating, waiting to be found.
Which makes me nervous. And when I get nervous I read Ted Berrigan. And when I read Ted Berrigan I want to write list poems. Which reminds me that list poems are more fun when you write them with other people. Which means this is the perfect time for us to write an Exquisite Corpse!
The title of our poem will be 30 Things That Probably Killed My Next Door Neighbors. These things can be anything. Man made or Supernatural. Environmental or Political. Sexually Deviant or Extra Terrestrial. You decide. Anything goes.
Post your conspiracy theory lines below this blog. Or email them to me (rob_geisen@illiteratemagazine.com). Or bring them to the next Wed Night Poetry/Open Mic at the Burnt Toast. I’ll put them all together and post them on the submission page of this website and then we’ll get a bunch of people together to read them out loud. I’ll start it out, below.
Until next time,
iloveyou,
Rob
30 Things That Probably Killed My Next Door Neighbors
1. Ryan O’Neal’s penis
(yr turn)
Comments
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JewellSeptember 8, 2009
12. My art fumes
GITcHelenSeptember 6, 2009
133. Butchered and then slowly deep fried by a sentient race of alien Chicken Wings, on a mission from a far off galaxy, seeking revenge!
RobGeisenSeptember 4, 2009
line sent to me by Bajo 17. If on a Winter's night: a traveler, A very old man with enormous wings, came off The apple orchard in the Gulag Archipelago, singing a Ballad of the lonely masturbator and made of them a Wasteland, like a Conversation in the cathedral, in the dark, the Midnight's children held The weight which life cannot bear and the man with the name Hopscotch made them Howl.
NateJordonSeptember 4, 2009
Ass raped by a crew of Republicans gone mad with bloodlust. Then the Republicans ass raped each other, ultimately committing suicide.
RobGeisenSeptember 4, 2009
Lines sent to me by Maus, Kate, Will, Sarah, and Marcus 5. The stark fibrous cord of metal whistling through the air 6. Swine flu 7. me, when they wouldn't shut up 8. Sears brand vampire couture for pre-teens semi-automatically induced hemoglobin asphyxiation. 9. gangrene infected tattoos on their douchebags..
GITcHelenSeptember 4, 2009
I mean 4.
GITcHelenSeptember 4, 2009
3. Instead of jerking off in a circle they accidentally formed a shape more akin to a retarded polygon, and with the synchronized speed of their jerking ripped a hole in the space-time continuum, through which their dicks were ripped off and pulled into an alternate plain of existence, leaving their violently crotchless bodies to this world, where they spent their final moments bleeding to death, air jerking to DVD porn playing on a ridiculously big flat screen TV.
wallbangerSeptember 4, 2009
3. Viagra and Cocaine
AdamSeptember 3, 2009
2. Mad Men induced anneurysm