Caption Contest Week 3

One day Little Anthony asked me to tell him a story before he went to sleep. I told him to shut up already, but he kept crying like such a freaking baby about being scared of the dark, that I decided to curb that ninny bullshit right there and then, because no son of mine was going to grow up to be like one of you  bedwetting, Little Nemo artists. So I told him a story, and since then he's never complained about the dark again. It occurs to me after yet another dismal Caption Contest this last week,that makes your posts so completely bland and unimaginative, maybe like Little Anthony, you're all scared not to suck. So, here's the story I told my son, maybe it will knock the wuss out of you too.

The sun sits high in the still blue sky beating down upon the burning sand of a vast desert. In this barren wasteland not a sound is made, nor a living thing found: complete and utter nothing. Not even the flutter of a tiny fly's tiny wings, or a mosquito's buzz stirs the silence. 

It appears this is the way things have always been in this desert. Undestirbed by a living creature since time immemorable, you are the first to step foot here in a thousand generations. You have come here in search of something, what you can't say exactly. Kicking up the the soft untouched sand as you move, a small canyon of connected footprints forms behind you.  You continue to move forward, for how long you cannot tell, as nothing seems to change around you. Has it been 1 mile or 100? The only indication of time, distance and direction is that little crevice of sand stretching out behind you into the horizon.

Suddenly a gust of wind caresses the sweltering landscape. At first, only the sound of shifting sand in the air can be heard, You stop to enjoy this refreshing moment in the otherwise motionless expanse.  A faint voice seems to rise, whispering inaudibly into your ears, which you ignore in the cool breeze. erhaps it is saying something about whatever it is you are looking for in this strange place. You strain to listen, but the voice is as soft as the sand beneath you. As the wind grows from a meere breeze into a violent sand storm whipping sand into your stinging eyes. The voice too grows louder, aseems to be lost in the violence around you. The very landscape itself, seems to be against you. You try to turn away from this tempest, but your feet are buried. You struggle to dig yourself out with your hands, but the sand is burying you quicker than you can work against it. Trapped in place, soon you can no longer move your arms as they become heavy under the desert's vast weight. As you are being swallowed into the scenery,  the voice, can finally be heard clearly. In a thunderous scream it pierces the chaos around you, "Pieeeeeeece of shiiiiittt. Shut Up!" Suddenly you understand, you open your mouth to respond, as sand rushes in stopping the words in your throat.  

The sky is clear, the sand settles and all is at his appears to have been since time imemorable, a desert undisturbed by a living creature.

By the way, your fucking dead.

The End.

After I finished that, Little Anthony never asked me to tell him another bed time story again. For you unfunny fuckers, the point is that sometimes fear is the appropriate response... AKA don't fuck with shit you don't understand... AKA give up on writing a funny caption before you pieces of shit hurt yourselves.  For those of you who, unlike my toddler, can't grasp simple metaphors, let me break it down for you: the desert is your completely vacant mind unburdened by thought; you are an unwelcomed and shitty idea for a Caption;  The voice is the voice of reason (me). Of course you won't listen until it's too late and you're already neck deep in your own ineptitude, so here's the next perfectly good picture for you to butcher:

Don't be another stupid sand dune.

Vinny V

PS. From now on I'm posting the winner of each caption contest as a comment. Find out which tard from last week get's a T-Shirt here

PPS. Use Mozilla Firefox, or email me your worthless attempts at Vincenzo.Valentine@gmail.com