Eat Pray Love Movie Trailer Review
Helen used to love the book Eat Pray Love. She’ll probably also enjoy the movie. Me, not so much. I find the entire tone of the goddamn thing insulting. Food will kill you. God will kill you. Love will kill you.
This thing should be placed in the horror section of your local Borders. Instead it’s been embraced as the feel-good ride of the year. But it’s not. During the film, when the guy who played the killer in No Country For Old Men is taking a ‘romantic’ walk beside a bunch of street venders and Julia Roberts asks him what this crazy new fruit tastes like that SHE’S NEVER EXPERIENCED IN HER ENTIRE LIFE UP UNTIL THIS POINT! (Oh, the fucking horror. The horror…) the hit-man turned romantic lead tells her, “It’s like an orange made love to a plum.”
Which is bullshit. The fruit does not taste like an orange made love to a plum. It’s more like a banana violently raped an entire tree of disgruntled coconuts, and then some hack writer came along and tried to polish the violent incident into something that pretends to know certain secrets about love.
But it doesn’t know shit, Helen. Your love was a butcher. It knew nothing of orchards or gardening and it frowned upon extensive travel. I mean, anyway, here’s my flash movie review of the EAT PRAY LOVE trailer in 100 words or less:
If you enjoy movies in which the lead actress channels Oprah Winfrey and on the movie poster looks like a drugged fawn who’s wandered out of the woods and plopped herself on a bench while somewhere along the way managed to get a blue plastic spoon jammed in her mouth, then this movie is for you.
sincerely,
Get in the car, Helen
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