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This piece is an erosion of an article in the The Onion (Denver Colorado edition) March 5, 2009 Vol. 45 Issue 10 Husband, Wife Unaware They Are A Comedy Teamonline link: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/husband_wife_unaware_they_are_a ...
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how was your dayby Kit Muldoon & Edward Wells II"It was just another day." Norman drolled to his Mother."But I'm trying to tell you about my day.", she responded and quickly continued, "The bus was right was right on time. I can't believe that th...
naked by (permutation of the lett...
You know that time that You knew it happened But the look on everyone's face said no it didn't They didn't know You didn't lead They're insane You're still here They hated Winifred to state the p...
the deceit, the fraud, and the na...
the rounding of the curve the angle of the cornering there was an imperfection in your stride, a certain swerve not the ambling of relaxed inhibition, but an intentional resetting of your course the belie-ing of the origin&n...
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A letter arrived todaywith return to sender scribbled in an unfamiliar scriptbelow the stamp.It doesn’t smell of the tobacco smokethat lingers in your beardor the soft breath of peppermint schnapps;instead, it’s yellowed by hours spentben...
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there’s this thing that i need to tell you and it’s the most important thing and its about hearts and lust and dreams and me this thing is about years and nights it’s about giving anythings but it will fall quick and ...
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driving driving my bare feet dangle out the window we can pretend I have long red hair twin braids down ...
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One chick was bouncing around on a sticky coffee table to the fourth replay of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.” From the couch below, a group of guys watched her shake her ass and whispered to one another about the way ...
Orwellianism enacted with articul...
Do you hear that? Among the melody of war drums and the sleepy sigh of a recessed economy, the fatherly hum of Orwellianism wafts on the morning breeze. Hauling the laughter of doublespeak on its wings, it labors to lull the cacophony of a chaotic wo...
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Sometimes I periodically table the elements Fork goes on the left Knife goes in the back The butter is at 10 and 2 A perfect gentleman that always wipes the corners of his wounds...
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there’s a world out therewhere all the pigeons have tourett’sand all the girls wear red lipstickwhere the blind are led by unicornsand all the cops ride scooterswhere tortoises wear knee socksand cheetahs chat on Bluetoothwhere neckties a...
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When I opened my eyes, I found myself staring at a cloudless blue sky. I had decided long ago that cerulean blue was indeed my favorite color for the sky to be. In fact, if the climate were to maintain itself year-long; seventy-eight degr...
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I love her. I’ve been fortunate enough to spend many an hour with her as we approach the conclusion to the second year of our relationship. During our first date, I was confident I’d made the right decision. Conver...
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I walked up to you on the street, but you couldn't recognize an old classmate. I've always had trouble knowing the difference between breakfast, lunch or dinner....
On the aspirations of a well-trai...
What if I could transcend the boundaries of normalcy and boredom in sex? What if there was no such thing as real sex? It would be live sex, of course. But harmless in the act and unreal in it's returns. He calls it harmless. I tell him harmlessness i...
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swinging on swing sets under starry skiesthe liberation of the dissolution of the time trapcould you hear my Ketamine callings?my only true lament laid away, laid to restfree from the emotional vampirism of servitudescut from the cord holding you in ...
The Ghost from 3 men and A Baby
The Ghost from 3 men and A Baby to Helen, on Valentine’s Day without love &n...
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Whiskey Dick Whiskey Dick is the term used to define the state of your penis after imbibing many alcoholic beverages of a single choice: whiskey. It happens at unfortunate times, usually with someone you're crazy about or to a girl ...
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i want to lick and kiss you at the nape of your neck, the seam where your hair meets your skin, like Texas corn fields meeting the sky; i want your fingers to leave bruises on the backs of my thighs, small plum smudges as a s...
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Soul is the furniture in my waiting room: barbed wire argyle couch, end tables made of MG wire hubcaps, a 60 watt brown sugar lamp with chain mail pull cord—overheated into molasses puddle, drained into ears and nose, a terrible head col...
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Like all Big Money U.S. court cases, this one was settled out of court for an undisclosed sum. All the same, the case created a national stir, becoming the hot topic around the water coolers and internet chat rooms. It w...
Why Don't I Punch People? (sample...
Why Don’t I Punch People? I did once waiting tables at the WildWest restaurant… I was putting an order in the computer when the fifteen year old busboy came from behind and snapped the suspenders on my WildWest uniform...
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Fucking In Bloodhand jobs perpetuatedon the other sideof startled skin wallsflip fucked and genitally un-occupieda displaced courtshiptag teamingsedated knife woundsin raw marrowsuspended by planets and petri dishesslaughter-housed for their second-h...
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Two elders of the thriving City of Emory, convene at the Live Oak. Sounds of the nearby babbling river add a subtle backdrop to their disputes of urban planning. Slowly a vision for the new metropolis takes shape. Plans for the layout, and for defens...
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Congrats!Cremation, burial, ejection into space -all good choices depending on your preferencebut who is to say I'm the one making the decision?Death's perfume is tempting in its dizzinessit takes you by the collar to the back of the house(past the t...
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i use a compound miter saw to cut off people’s fingersfingers that touch things they are not supposed to fingers that stealhurt and break....
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Your Friends All Suck...
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Shards of GlassYou said you would always be there,Well ha, ha, haWhere are you now?We pass as if we're acquaintances,Mumbling a silent prayer-Laconic and lacking gesticulation,Saying things to serve only the purposeOf acknowledging eac...
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